hope notes

1.       Going on your first date, second and third that eventually turn into a wedding, aren’t you?

2.       Celebrating your first anniversaries, second anniversaries, fiftieth anniversaries aren’t you?

3.       Having children?

4.       And then grandchildren?

5.       Watching sunsets that never seem to end?

6.       Holding hands with someone?

7.       Watching your kids grow up from the size of a cauliflower?

8.       Watching your parents grow wrinkles and grey hair and curl with age?

9.       Wandering places to find something or the other?

10.   Being a superhuman to someone, aren’t you?

      

Because I hope so

Change your mind

You’re standing at the edge of the metro platform

with no intent to board the train but to jump off in front of it.

The platform is filled with all the shapes and sizes of strangers.

If you jump, they will be left with a forever connect with you.

Maybe you've ticked all the boxes in your head

of all the feelings you wanted to feel before you die.

So maybe you’ll jump.

Within micro seconds the train will hit you, smash you

And you’ll be a pulpy mess of yourself.

You might have calculated all the risks yesterday,

But who knows if you’d turn bad at math today?

I have heard that trains move faster thank you think.
So when you’ll jump

Those strangers will watch you fall

and will be able to do absolutely nothing about it.

Some will watch you fall and die. And they will be changed forever.

If you die, you may rest in peace while others won’t.

Your death will forever haunt them, and your ghost 
will never quit following them.

You’ll keep dying over and over again in their dreams,

and over and over again, they won’t be able to do a thing about it.

There must be something ugly about your life that has pushed you so far

that you’re standing at the edge of the platform

but just FYI there’s nothing that’s beautiful about suicide either.

There are many better ways to die.

So step back from the edge of the platform,

let your mind be changed

move way back from the yellow line, turn around and breathe.

If you see a clock there, don’t just see the clock;

do what it does. And keep going.

While you’re going away, think of 
the moment between your jump and the ground,

what if you changed your mind then?

MIND IT

A loaded gun in your own hand may not kill you

but your mind loaded with the thoughts

of your lately wrecked relationship

can destroy the shit out you.

Even if it wasn’t a relationship.

Your own flesh tires you up.

Diligently questioning about

letting it revel in his

and for making a home in it.

Your own heartbeat stares you

outside of yourself, panting and

waiting for some clichéd answers

to calm it down.

Underneath your every breath,

You hear some soft lines

Of the poem he left 

In the corners of your mouth

while kissing the last time.

Your eyes forget to function

And take up different climates

From torrential downpour

To the dessert like dryness. 

 But they never forget to open up.

Every organ turns into

An explosive device

And that’s… that’s what it does to you.

 Every passing day you just

end up surviving the series of blasts.

August

August arrives,

Dressed in a naked 

Exclamation mark

And black wayfarers

Pushed over its head.

It yet again arrives,

Hot and breathless

And full of all the things

That eventually fall.

Some of the things

Will fall in while

Others will fall apart.

Either ways, it will

Secretly drop

a new start.

Paradise Turns Perfect Paradise

Sometimes it is okay to chase the sun with the windows down.

Your voice is the only thing carrying across the highway,

disobeying every speed law that you ever thought to enforce upon.

Sometimes it is okay to cross over all the hills, in hopes to get somewhere more beautiful.

Where the sun sets in its full glory and that is the only direction the compass knows.

This is it.

My last journey of 2012. And the very first of 2013.

Elevated at six thousand eight hundred and something feet, we swished quietly to McLeodganj and beyond.

Drove for about 12 hours only to be welcomed by a silver light of a winter skyline, beautiful enough that I didn’t remember where my home is any longer. The clouds were floating in, no longer to carry rain or usher storm, but to add colors to my sunset sky. The stars were beginning to shine. The moon was beginning to sprinkle its inner light. The foggy windows around me were only telling me that it’s the only place I ever wanted to be. The place is believed to be the land of peace and hashish abound. 

Trekked further to Perfect Paradise. There we sat with our legs stretched out besides the struggling bonfire and my lips shrank to the serenity in low temperature. Cupped the gracious Old Monk in my frosty hands when the shrill winds cut straight through the layers of my clothes, then the skin and got wrapped around my bones. I tilted my head towards the starry sky and let out my feelings with a deep exhalation. My feelings got translated into soft fog before my spectacle glasses. I wished if I could fold the sky like a newspaper and keep it under my armpit. 

the place itself is a home to a thousand mystical questions and answers about beauty, the right, the wrong, and the deserving. And music of course. Wonderfully noted, octaved and naturally composed, this place sings its own melody on a ‘high’ note.

During the last day of the year, I got to drench myself into a space, so occupied, so absorbing, and weirdly small shaped hole in the universe. The space certainly got so engaging that plunged me into the ocean of meanings. Far away from the bustle of concrete jungle into the peripherals of serene mountains. Picturesque taste was complimented by Tibetan flavours. That literally sang symphonies in the mouth.  

The morning heat brought with it the vibrancies of purity and newness, and I stood still for a while inhaling just the peacefulness. It's afterall the secret of life. I found myself lost in the oblivion thought of the faces dimmed out and mazed out and doped out and out there for me to search, at the silhouettes of the hills in front of me.

‘How was it that the birds sing, that they gloriously fly, that the gesture which small flowers make when they open in the morning,that the sky is not just blue but ohh bluest of blues, that the pleasant air love idling in the trees without a purpose, that every evening blooms with the songs of peaceful hymns, that the dawns whitens behind the black trees on the shivering summit of the hills?’ 

Walking down the hill in the day time and stumbling back by the bright moon light in the streets of unknown neighborhoods was more than enough to stuff my chest with immense pleasures. When there is crowd and noise, I feel there is some trouble waiting to blow up. And when there is silence and people are like localites of Mcleoganj, there is just perfection and nothing to fill the air. 

After 3 days, the time when I sat next to the driving seat, the rearview mirror framed the exotic collage of my new year. The mountains have left me feeling renewed and more content. I sat mutely among the series of sighs and the awe  just dripped from the corners of my eyes. Passing by the serenity I was positive than I’ve been for weeks, as if something has been given back after a long absence, as if my eyes have opened once again, as if I am tuned to savour the pleasures bestowed upon me, until the time I come back. Only if I had the talent to put the beauty in words... It was mesmerizing.   

  

The best of everything was the company I had. It was fresh, crazy, clever, eloquent, well-informed with a knack for adventure. That is what I call good company. In reality it helped me living a dream. A dream where paradise was a perfect paradise.

September

You sneak out of the window and all of a sudden it’s autumn. Every leaf on the tree flutters to tell noticeably that it’s here. Days get divided in equal dark and equal light. The air becomes crisp and you try to smell hard. It smells smoky. And you don’t know what to do with your recently orphaned august daydreams. So you tuck them between the pages of the brand new notebooks and leave them hanging on the branches of up reaching trees. And you set them on fire until the trees are smoldering red and orange and yellow.

It is here to stay for awhile like an old friend, you’ve been missing. Sitting under the blue skies it will settle in your favourite chair and take out his pipe. The afternoon will get filled with some dense smoke and the stories about the things he has done since last he saw you. The sun would love to warm the back instead of heating the head.

Possibly you’ll look back but that’s not where you would want to see yourself. Oh so nice and golden sun will set with a promise of less miseries. You would look forward for the times ahead, sitting cross legged.  It is the time of transition. The silent thrill in your chest will simply take you through the evening.


Under the bright moon light with not so nervous fingers, stitch a blanket of warmth for yourself. Because the air during the night gets increasingly crisper. Violently sparkling stars would be quite enough reason to awaken your dreams, once again. Your own September dreams.

This time, keep them safely in the shelf next to the window. And don’t let them ride the wind.

I and I in this be-you-tea-full world

Summer picnics are one of life’s simple pleasures, aren’t they? Yes, once again the summer weekend trip could actually be possible. And my weekend was absolute perfection. Everything I expected and even more than that. Absolute relaxation, and just had a genuine good time. After weeks of hard work at workplace and blazing days in Delhi, I wanted an escape. Since  6 months I have been craving for a beautiful place to get lost. Couldn’t really go lost but I must admit that it had been a one-of-a-kind of experience for me. I was accompanied by 6 more girls this time :D

 

All my girlies at office planned and made it finally. A group of 11 people gathered to meet the next moment of adventure with a suitcase full of outrageous blessings. We made our way to the foothills of Shivalik mountain ranges right next to the Ganges. The place is called Shivpuri. We travelled throughout the night and touched the holy place in the morning twilight. Absolutely a view to die for, for the people who do not see the sun rising and breathe the morning air. I can’t recall a day in last 5 years after school. So for me it was just awesome. Life seems so perfect in sepia mode in the morning sunshine giving an imperial feel and drinking the wild air. Was falling in love already.

 

We landed there and got into the chilling stream of Ganga and spent some chillaxing moments where fun was in the air and sand in my hair. Sand is overrated. It's just tiny, little rocks free flowing. Followed the white water river rafting which was truly breathtaking. Over there, everyone was so eager, excited, confused and scared shitless. Camps were cute as they look like. I love to go camping, and I'm totally fine with not doing my hair or makeup, not taking a shower and just hiking. It’s a flawless part of any adventure. Camping is just an art of getting closer to nature while getting farther away from chilled drinking water, shower and personal flush toilet. Manage is to Life. 

 

I've had this experience last year too, but this time it left me bewitched. 26 kilometers of rafting and splashing through more than a dozen rapids was just one of the best feelings one can have. Truly an audacious moment when jumped into the chilled water. The body parts got numb but the eternal voice of my mind praised every bit of it. As if inside us all, there sits a tiny little adventurous bird patiently waiting for some toofani fun.  

Sometimes, simply losing yourself in the moment is what life is really about said my little voice to me. Sometimes you need to disregard anxiety and consequence, act and think later, sometimes the over thinking ruins your chances at everything. It can drive you into the boundaries of insanity; sometimes we think too much and do too little. Sometimes we worry more than we act. Sometimes it’s good to have something to believe in.  What's for you will not pass you by until you let it go. I could spent good time conversing with myself whereas there was much language on the river bank, all through different tongues and different dialects. If only our tongues were made of glass how much more careful we would be when we speak. I just collected myself to the indissoluble music of the river. Just because you need to celebrate what comes flowing to you. Sometimes, cribbing, whining, complaining or sulking would simply kill your limited time of joy.

I just needed sometime in a good place to clear off my mind. And I lived up to it. Thank god who granted me serenity to accept things, situations and all manner of people. Though I will never be able to understand the category of men who love to flaunt their v-shaped undies with a standee and danglers under their ugly bear-belly. Learning to ignore things is one of the great paths but how to ignore such creepy scenes, where rowdy guys try to act like a pussy and grab eyeballs. I would wish them to go and fuck a cactus.

I got myself stuck to the night sky which gradually dwells out of the mingling of sun with the river. There was a deep silence where the breeze whispers that only you are here. Such deepness was flowing when I sat beside the river. Only me, my breath and my heartbeat in the midst of the musical waves crashing into the rocks. My inklings were peeking through my eyes. My thoughts were floating in the air, which were fading away with the melody of waves. Then there was a deep silence right above my head, which almighty gives to a very few. The sky filled with scattered bright stars was coming closer as the night descends. They were twinkling and we played hide-n-seek. I felt like a guest below in the starry party up above. The moonlight became the brightest source of light and breeze was cool enough to get you goose bumps. The dazzling night brought me few realhighsations that tickled my imaginations further. 

This trip has got me a hopeless crush on someone. Meeting this one was one of the most unexpected things I imagined to happen on my vacation. Everytime he looked at me, I looked away, when he looked away I got my eyes hooked at him. Hehehe…it was strange and I could feel it coming from nowhere. He is interesting, different and I liked him. No serious efforts for the same although it is going to be my fondest memory of this trip. I’ve heard that being single is an opportunity to have a bit of everyone!