Dear Youngerself
You cannot imagine the immensity of changes that have conquered you. Do you remember how you worried about not being able to match up with the girls of your age? I wish I could tell you those women were far from your pace of ripeness. You could learn about life only by experiences. And experiences didn’t come without mistakes. So, yeah you’ve made many mistakes, as this beautiful life didn’t come with instructions. The ultimate purpose of life is to taste utmost experiences, the newer and richer ones.
Back then you were just a tomboy who enjoyed playing football and play fight with the guys, including your brothers. You didnt think about all the ways people would betray you or all the lies and filth that was on the earth. I won’t hesitate in saying that your’re entirely made of flaws, but importantly stitched together with good intentions unlike others.
You were so cold at heart when you were young. Remember breaking those little hearts of guys on the verge of puberty… You didn’t know a heart within you was meant to beat. Luckily, it didn’t for a long long time and when it did, it wasn’t yours. The air was meant to be breathed. And some songs were meant to play on repeat. And the sun was meant to come down. And the days were meant to pass. The nights were meant to follow. And your eyes were meant to cry out whatever pain was left. Then, I remember awakening one morning and finding everything smeared with the color of forgotten love. Positive thoughts that bottled up and made you move out of the rut. You learned to laugh often and much, to win the respect of intelligent people. And eventually you would leave the world a bit better.
You were just a child under this limitless skies. A billion souls walk under it every single day & don’t even bother to look up & wonder what’s out there. There’s so much we still haven’t learned. So much that the scientists won’t even figure out in the life time, & it’s your job to wonder, to dream, & to try & find the mysteries behind all that lies in your path. I would say you don’t literally have to do that, it would unfold itself if you really seek for it.
You would be glad to know how greatly you bond with ma and nani now. Back then they were more like teachers now they’re like chilled out friends. They have accepted the way you are. You prefer to have fun with them. you owe more than anything else to nani and mum. They try to give you all comfort beyond their level of comfort. And you endeavour to reciprocate the same to them. It’s been ages having any blowings from them. There’s a silent MOU between you and masi now. After all you did prove her wrong in almost all spheres. We still don’t interact much. I wish I could let you know years ago, so you wouldn’t have to grow under the hopeless brunt. Your brother is still an ass. He will take a lot more time to grow up. And you fight lesser with him as you hardly get to see each other these days.
The grown up version is a bit more lazy and clumsy. You couldn’t really help with such practices of life. You disappoint yourself. You don’t really like to be surrounded by people. Their bullshit and fakeness might be the reason. If people are bad to you, you just brutally kill them in your head. Unlike the earlier episodes of smashing up people every now and then. You didn’t turn an atheist but you believe in the religion of mind. You believe in karmas and being unplugged from this society of hypocrites. You are convinced you’re built for better things. Spoken the truth, lies and been skeptical all these years. Danced on the couches and sat in a secluded corner too. You are not afraid of dying but you are terrified of wrongly living. You have mastered the art of spilling food on yourself. You don’t dress up like a chic. As always. You don’t put make up. Your hair messes up. You don’t like to walk. You don’t run like before. I owe you for being physically sound and athletic at that age. It helped me. Now your brain does most of the activities. You are the sum total of everything that went before you, of all you have been, seen, done, of everything done to yourself. For the years to come, you will just be me. You want to know why? Because being me is good enough for me :P :P and you know what? you're pretty fucking amazing in your own screwed up ways.
There is something you must remember always: You’re braver than you believe, stronger than you seem and much smarter than you think. But the most important thing, I’ll always be with you, just few years ahead of you.
P.S: To understand me, you’ll have to swallow a world”
